Harbinger of Disaster?
Statisticians are warning that October 28's birth of Caleb Robert Clark may be a
harbinger of disaster (HoD).
"Am I HoD or Not?"
They note that the population of Clark offspring doubled in 2002.
If this trend of annual doubling continues, Clark offspring will spill beyond the Pacific
Northwest in less than two decades. The only hope for non-Clarks is that
killer bees will encroach upon Clark-controlled territory.
Clarks purchase station wagon...
...lowering family libido
The Unbearable Lightness Of Batting,
Schoolyard Rumormonger Identified
First-grader Sara Clark (right) has been identified as the source of recent schoolyard
rumors. According to anonymous sources, Clark has debunked the Stork
Theory of Child Production with a theory even more implausible.
Asked to elaborate, giggling area schoolchildren report that the new
theory is "funny".
Clark has been under suspicion for some time. Earlier questions
involved the origin of Dazey (left, with orange fetch toy). Clark's curiosity peaked, however, with the
pending arrival of Caleb (see "Harbinger of Disaster?", left column), when vague gardening
analogies became unsatisfactory.
Artistic Success Achieved In Medium Of Terracing
Thumbing their collective nose at the art world establishment's tired conventions
(as well as home-owner association bylaws),
local family the Clarks moved tons of dirt and over 200 85-pound concrete blocks to
create... pure art, baby.
bricklaying bohemian beatniks the Clarks
60-lb Pack and 20% Slope Lethal Combination, Scientists Warn
Researchers at the Center For The Obvious have announced the danger
of combining sixty-pound backpacks and 20% slopes.
According to a spokeswoman, "To attempt to gain this much elevation
would be ill-advised. To attempt to gain this elevation while carrying
accroutements such as a float tube, neoprene waders, and
flippers would be sheer lunacy."
"It was all worth it!" cackled area lunatic upon hearing the warning.
Merry Christmas ~ Happy Holidays ~ Seasons Greetings ~ Pleasant Winter Solstice ~ Happy New Year
from the Clark family: Bob, Lisa, Sara, Caleb, and Dazey