The Clark Chronicle
Volume 5 in       terra       pax       ~       peace       on       earth December 2004

Clarks Wish You Well

   The leading story of the year has northwest family the Clarks hoping their friends and family had a pleasant 2004, and wishing happiness for the coming year.
   The holiday season is a good time for us, too, to reflect on our experiences this past year and look forward to more excitement in 2005.
   Discerning readers of this newsletter may sense a focus upon the Clark kids. The sweet girl Sara and the cheery boy Caleb have been growing and changing over the past twelve months, and it has been exhilarating to watch them developing before our eyes.
   Sara, eight, is in the third grade now; this smart girl is excelling in the classroom, and her big-hearted nature finds an outlet with birds, snakes, hermit crabs, dogs, horses, and just about any other thing which creepeth upon the earth.
   Cal turned two in October. His enthusiastic approach to each day brightens our days too. He has started testing the limits imposed upon him, and we “look forward” to butting heads with this stubbornly happy boy next year.

Filmmakers Honored Acknowledged

   Clarkdöttër released their inaugural movie in early 2004, the highly marginally acclaimed “Dame In Distress,” an Old West Stop-Action Action Thriller.
   Production is under way for the eagerly reluctantly anticipated sequel, “Dame In Distress 2: Dude In Distress,” expected to be released sometime in 2005. DVD duplication houses are gearing up for the aggressive lackluster distribution expectations; some optimistic insiders estimate that the sequel's distribution will be nearly double the original, or well over a trillion dozen DVDs.
Simultaneous Naps Taken

Mummies Threaten Puget Sound

   Law enforcement officials in the greater Seattle area are warning residents of paranormal apparitions staggering about, terrorizing suburban neighborhoods.
   These life-challenged age-enhanced treasure-guarding bandage-wrapped bodies, or “mummies,” were first detected in late October in the Lynnwood area.
   Forensic archaeologists, working with the Snohomish County Sheriff's office, hypothesize that incantations of a profane nature, or “evil curses,” have caused these monstrosities to emerge from their five-thousand-year-old hiding places to stalk the living.
The Backside

Herpetologist in Training

Yeah, I got your holiday spirit...
...right here!

The Mariners may have sucked...
...but the company couldn't be beat

Moral Values Corner

   Some of our favorite “Original Recipe™” moral values, tucked away in Matthew 5:
Shocked! Shocked!

   Cal reacts to a doubling of his age; in one day he was transformed from a one-year-old baby to a two-year-old toddler.
Rattlesnake Ledge with Sara Clark

Little Drummer Boy Found

   Long thought to be treacly musical myth, the little drummer boy has been discovered living with the Clarks.